The Scott Shaw Blog Be Positive

Did You Get the Help that You Need?

Ever since the birth of the #metoo movement and the later #cancelculture movement I have watched and occasionally written about, here in this blog, how accusations have now become enough to take down a person’s life. Just this week it happened again with that one actor.

As I’ve said before, I am not defending these people. If they’ve done something wrong and hurt someone, they’ve done something wrong and hurt someone and that’s not right. But, why do the people proclaiming these proclamation do what they do so deep into time and why do they do them, “Now,” whenever that now may be? They all seem motivated by something. But, what?

Some of these accused people had the power to push through and maintain their life and their career. Others have not. But, does destroying someone livelihood and life correct any accused wrongs that they may have done? Does it change anything? And why were these charges not made then instead of now? It all leaves a lot of questions.

Interestingly, a few people have even tried to #cancel me online. People I never met and do not know. This all mostly happened before this stage of life-existence has come into play, however. Though I have not been accused of sexual deviance or anything like that, that’s just not who I am, some have attacked my credibility and my artistic motivations. Of course, what they said was not true and simply a redefining of my life and my motivations in their own mind. Like Popeye says, “I yam what I yam and that’s all I yam.” But, more than all that, why attack someone like me? Why target me? Sure, I’ve made mistakes. We all have. But, I mean, my whole life has been about trying to help and make the All and the Everything just a little better in whatever small way I can. So???

Now, this piece is not about me. I’m just using myself as an example as it illustrates how anyone can say anything, be it truthful or not, in this era and lives are hurt. But, then what becomes the karma to the person doing the doing?

I watched this interesting documentary on Showtime a couple of weeks ago when it first came out, Ricky Powell The Individualist. It was about the The Rickister, as he was known, who was this photographer who was at the heart of the New York Rap and Street Culture scene when it was first rising in the early 1980s. He became one of those great snapshot photographers who really captured a lot of important history but ended up going down a dark road of crack addiction and a dishoveled lifestyle eventually dying at the age of fifty-nine. Good doc! Check it out.

One of the most interesting elements of the doc that I found—something that really sent me to thinking, was that fact that he grew up with a single mother that was really into the then club culture. She would even take him along with her and stick him in a corner when he was a child. It really caused me to realize and to re-think about how many young people, myself included, who grew up with a single mother, (my father died when I was ten), were really guided down a pathway where there was no way that we were going to come out normal and psychologically sound. Add into this any physical and/or psychological abuse, (by its many definitions), and what was born was a child turning into a adult with this altered skillset and modified life understanding that drove some to do not good things. I mean, I have known so many people who grew up like me, with a single mother, and not one of them did not spend at least a certain portion of their life doing some bad (not good) stuff. Or, at least, spending a lot of time on a shrink’s couch.

Now, this ditty is not only about people who grew up with single mothers who messed with their minds. It’s about anyone who grew up in a situation that caused them to emerge into adulthood with a less than ideal frame of psychological and life behavior reference.

The question then arises, “Did you get the help that you need?” I mean, there is help out there. But, getting it—going to get it, is never easy. It’s not easy to find. It’s not easy to admit to yourself that you need help. Most who need it, live in denial. It’s never easy to force yourself to take that first step and that second step.

I think this is where one of the biggest problems of life is born. Particularly with the people who do bad things…

…And, if I can sidebar here: It’s not just the people who are accused of doing bad things but also the people doing the accusing because that is, or at least may be, a bad deed, as well…

But, back to the people: At least most people were not born with some mental defect. They were life-programmed into their patterns of behavior. And, for many/most this occurred when they were young.

Now obviously, some people rise to a position of power and from that they allow that power and their ability to dominate others to take control of their mind and set a negative pattern of behavior into motion. They do bad and power-tripping things to others. Not good! This happens in life and this certainly happens on the internet. We’ve all seen it. But, what is the root cause of that behavior? Where was that mindset born? Where did someone come to think that it was okay to do something like that? Most likely, it was born in their childhood and how they were raised.

How were you raised? Did you have a good childhood? If you did, how has that taught you to behave towards others? Did you have a bad or disturbed childhood, (however you want to define that)? If you did, how has that taught you to behave towards others?

Most people never take the time to study these questions. Most people never take the time to study themselves. They just do what they do with excuses a plenty. …If they make any excuses at all. Some just do. They feel right in their actions. How about you? How do you behave and why? How do you treat others and why?

For the people who do study themselves, they may find that they need help. Do they reach out for it is the question? Do they find it? How about you?

Let’s get back to the source of all this… What do you do that hurts the life of someone else? No matter what your reasoning and/or your why; why do you do it? Do you feel justified in your actions simply because you can do it? Do you ever study, care, or even think about the ramifications of your actions? If you don’t—if you hope to hurt someone else, no matter what your logic, how does that describe who and what you actually are? Step back from yourself; what kind of person would do that? Would you want it done to you?

I think back to this statement the actress Camryn Manheim made to an interviewer on TV early in the launch of the #metoo movement. She said, “If I went to a hotel room with a man, I knew why I was going there.” What she illustrates in that statement is someone taking responsibility for their actions. How many people do that? Particularly in this age of the internet where anyone can say anything?

But ultimately, what all life comes down to is you. You are the one who creates your life situations. You are the one who will have to eventually pay the consequences. Whether you find yourself on the receiving end or the instigating end, there will always be a price to pay. Plus, it is far easier to cast the blame onto someone else than to personally take responsibly for what occurred to you due to your own level of choice and due to your own responsibility in any life situation. Casting blame is simply an excuse. It is a person’s way to never share in any blame.

This is why knowing you—finding you, learning to be the best you that you can be is essential. Many of us had a hard childhood that left us scared. …That left us doing less than ideal things. But, there is help. Are you willing to find it and get it? Are you willing to stop yourself or learn how to stop yourself from doing things that hurt you or hurt anyone else for any reason? Are you willing to take the responsibility for fixing what you’ve broken—helping those who you’ve hurt? Or, are you just lost in your own Self-Rightness? If you are, you should really think about who and what you are and the wake you are leaving.

Many people in this era feel it is their right to attack. But, attack only equals counterattack. From your attack or your counterattack, you may emerge the winner but then what? What comes next? Did it make you a better person? Does it make your adversary a lessor person? And, whose going to pay the karma; as there is always karma?

The ultimate truth of life is, there is no one to blame but you. You did what you did. You can blame someone else all you want but no one but you feels what you feel; no one but you did what you did. No one but you has the power to control the true inner you.

So, what are you going to do next? Are you going to attack? Are you willing to suffer the karmic consequences of your actions? Then what? It goes on and on and on. Or, you can just be good. Say good things. Do good things. Fix what you’ve broken when you can. Forgive those who hurt you and move on. Help everyone. And, understand that we are created in our childhood. Some of us had less than ideal examples of how to live our life. Some of us where taught the wrong way to encounter and treat others. But, it’s only you who can fix any of that. Will you? Will you fix you and stop seeking to blame and to hurt the life or someone/anyone else?