Scott Shaw.com Be Positive

When People Just Won’t Listen

Have you ever tried to explain something to someone—something that you understand to be true, valid, just, and right but they will not open their mind to the degree where they can understand your point of view? Have you ever tried to explain your feelings to someone—tell them how you feel about the way they are treating you or the things they are doing to you, and how you would like them to change, but they just do not possess the mindset to even care? If you have, then you understand one of the most profound realities of life, some people just won’t listen.
 
Why won’t some people listen to you? Why do they not care about what you have to say? Why won’t they care about what you are about? Why do they not care about the fact that what they are doing to you is hurtful or painful or debilitating to your life? The obvious answer is selfishness. But, I believe it goes much deeper than this, it illustrates who they truly are.
 
Here is a fact about some/many people, they only care about themselves. Even if they pretend to care about someone else, they are doing this because they are getting something that they want from that individual. Thus, though they may appear to be loving and caring to a specific person, what they are actually doing is simply doing what they do to get what they want.
 
How about you? How do you behave towards other people? How do you treat them? How do you listen to them? Do you actually care about what they feeling, equaling what they are saying? And, moreover, what’s in it for you? What do you get out of the way you behave towards them?
 
Many people never contemplate any of this. They do what they do, thinking of nothing but what they are thinking about. Through time, you can really see this in the overall presentation of a person’s life; defined by what they have done. What have they done? Is what they have done based upon goodness and helpful loving kindness. Or, is what they have done based upon all of the other bad things of life: selfishness, hurtful behavior, vanity, judgment, and crime?
 
The answer to who and what a person is becomes very obvious by viewing what they do.
 
This leads us to the next level of understanding personal behavior. How do you feel about what that other person has done? Do you revel in their attacks on others? Do you cheer them on when they do some self-serving, selfish action? Do you applaud them when they hurt someone else?
 
Here’s a fact, just because you do not like someone, does not mean you have the right to hurt them, as hurt only equals and creates more hurt. If you (or anyone) hurts, that means you are not listening to that other individual.
 
This brings us back to the central point of all this, why do some people not listen?
 
Have you ever tried to explain something that matters to you and that other somebody dismissed your understandings? Have you ever gotten angry, maybe yelled and scream at someone simply because you wanted them to understand what they were doing to you was damaging but even with this they did not change?
 
Each person is based in who they are. In many cases, people pretend to be something they are not. This is especially the case at the outset of a relationship. That individual wants something from that other person. Whether it is friendships, love, sex, a job, money, to be in their presence simply because they are in the inner circle, or whatever… But, whatever it is, they want that something from that someone else so they play the game to be the person that other person would want to associate with. Then, through time and relationship evolution the true darkness in that person comes out. Who they truly are is presented. This may occur in an hour, a day, a week, or years into the relationship, but who they are becomes witnessed and known. Then what? If this person does not care about what the other person (what you) are feeling; what can you do?
 
The answer is really simply, there is nothing that you can do to change them. Who they are is who they are. What they are is what they are. If they cannot bring themselves to care about what another individual (what you) are feeling, this will not change.
 
Is this a personality defect? Of course it is. Is this the way people should behave? Of course not. But, if Not Caring is a definition of their personality, if the ability to not feel for the other person is what defines their mind, this will never change.
 
So, what are we (what are you) left with? We can leave the relationship if we can. Though this may be the best answer, this is not always possible. Then what? The only answer is for you to be the bigger person—for you to care about them even though they do not and cannot truly care about you. Listen to them, even though they will not listen to you. Because no matter how much you talk, yell, scream, smash your fist into the wall, nothing will change if a person does not care enough to care about you.  
 
In closing, when people speak, listen. Listen to what they are saying and truly try to understand their point of view. As long as what they saying is not based in selfishness, ego, or hurtful thoughts and actions, don’t you think they should, at least, be listened to? If they are speaking about the way you are treating them, and what you are doing is hurtful or debilitating or not helpful, again listen. Remove your ego, care about them. Stop thinking only about yourself and what you are feeling and experience. Hear what they have to say.