The Scott Shaw Blog Be Positive

Harshing Your Mellow

I imagine that there is not one person out there who has not been going through their day, perhaps quite happily, when all of sudden someone else forces their way into your Life Experience and really brings you down. Maybe they do this in a small way or maybe they do this in a big way. But, one way or the other, what they have done is to truly kill your buzz, bring you down, and removing any peace, joy, or happiness that you may be feeling.

When these situations occur, they usually do so quite shockingly. Meaning, you don’t see them coming. For it is certain that you do not want them to happened and if you had a choice you would not allow them to happen. But, BAM, out of nowhere, they do happen.

On the end of the recipient, these situations are most commonly totally unexpected. For the person who instigates them, however, sometimes they are anything but.

There are certain people out there who want to force their way into a person’s life. They want to get a reaction. Why, is anyone’s guess? But, there is a certain subset of people who want to alter the Life Path of someone else in a less than ideal manner. Not good! That is a clear definition of a Not Good Person. But, those people are out there.

Mostly, however, these situations come out of nowhere. They occur via the unconscious action(s) of the perpetrator. For example, I think to a couple of times where my car was rear-ended by the driver behind me messing around with his phone. From that, BAM. A total good experience killer.

Here in California, it is actually illegal to have your phone in your hand while driving. But, look around, there are many-many people who still do.

One of these situations occurred, a couple of years ago, when my lady and I were rear-ended. I was riding in the passenger seat of her car. We were happily driving home from this new boutique ice cream shop and BAM, an Uber driver, on his phone, powerfully hit us from behind, as he did not realize he was coming up to a stoplight. Her car was totaled. A car she really liked. Thus, gone was our moment of ice cream induced happiness, leading to dealing with all of the dealing-with of a crashed car and buying a new one, and all that, all because someone was behaving in an unconscious manner.

Most, “Harsh Your Mellow,” situations are not that intense. But, they are nonetheless instigated by the unconscious action(s) of someone else and then fueled by specific personality traits of the instigating individual.

For example, I was at Starbucks yesterday. I pretty much go to Starbucks everyday. I did a mobile app order as I tend to do in these days of the pandemic. I walked in and was happily greeted by some of the baristas who know me. They gave me my latte but my bagel was not ready. Unusual, but I was told it would be coming soon. No big deal. As I was standing there, in walks this barista I had never seen before. I have to be politically correct here, but as it is important to the storyline, I need to describe this individual. This was one of those people in transition; I believe from male to female. The person was tall with their blonde hair tightly tied back. As they checked into their job, on the store’s iPad, they looked over in my direction and gave me a really harsh look. Why? I have no idea. I never saw them before. But, they did. Anyway, after several minutes of waiting, and still no bagel, I walked over to the young man who was doing that type of thing behind the counter and inquired about my bagel. He looked at me and said they didn’t have anymore everything bagels, which is what I had ordered. My question to him was, “Why didn’t you tell me?” The aforementioned person, who wasn't part of this conversation, immediately went off on me, telling me I wasn’t being nice, why wasn’t I kind, etc, etc., etc… My thought was, “How is asking a person why you didn’t tell me about my bagel, while leaving me standing there for who knows how long, being anything negative?” The barista was totally making a scene, completely ruining my Starbuck experience. I could have exchanged words with them, but that is exactly what people like this want. They want to ruin your experience, and drag you into melodrama, all dominated by whatever is going on in their mind. Their mind, not yours. Me, I just left without my bagel.

So, this is the thing in life, we are all going to experience those moments. Those moments where someone comes out of nowhere and really takes away any joy you are feeling, pushing you down the path of non-happiness. The question you have to ask yourself is, “When these moments occur what are you going to do about it? How are you going to behave?”

In most of these situations, once they are done, they are done. There is nothing that you can do to change what has been done. The only thing that you actually have control over is how you react. How you do decide to react defines who you are as a person and what will occur next in your life, based upon the situation that you were handed but had no desire in creating.

Can you smile when you are upset? If you can, that may be the best medicine. Can you turn and leave when someone says something wrong, foolish, mean, or untrue to you? If you can, that may be the best medicine.

The main thing to do when these situation befall you is to not allow yourself to be dragged into them. That is what the instigator wants. They want to get a reaction out of you. They want to control your emotions and your life. Again, why? Who knows? But, they do. They want to take control over you, your thoughts, your emotions, and your reactions. If you start to argue with them, they have won. If you punch them, they have won. But, if you say nothing and walk away then you have taken back the control over your life and
you have won. You may be annoyed, angry, pissed off, or just not happy but you have not given away the control of your life.

Never let the people who want to take away your happiness gain control over your life.