The Scott Shaw Blog

Be Positive

Letting Go Verses Not Letting Go

There are moments in each of our lives that come to shape who we are. Maybe those moments only last for a second or a minute or two but they are events that cause us to feel and experience life in a very exaggerated fashion. Though those moments come to be very focused in our own mind, the person or persons we are experiencing them with my not feel the same way about them at all. To them, it was just a momentary life-happening; here and then gone. Though this may be the case to them, for us (for you) that lived situation comes to be something that your mind returns to and returns to for days, weeks, months, years, or even your entire lifetime.

Take a moment right now, think about one of those situations that occurred in your life, that continually comes to your mind. Maybe it was an event, maybe it was a conversation, maybe it was a fight, maybe it was a love; it can be anything—for each person these life moments are defined differently. Think about that thing. Bring it clearly into your mind. Was it a good moment? Was it a bad moment? Whatever it was, think about it and try to come to a conclusion as to why it has become something that your mind frequently returns to when you have lived so many other moments in your life.

In many psychological traditions, the soothsayer says to let go of all memories that do not help your life. Many religious teachers, influenced by these psychological schools of thought, echo this ideology. But, if you were not re-thinking and re-living that moment for some reason, known only to your inner mind, why would it continually come to your thinking mind? Again, grab one of these moments, bring it to mind, analyze it, and try to come to some understanding about why it continues to be relived in your mind and how that moment came to shape your life.

For many, these intense moments are based upon an exaggerated moment of feeling; be that feeling good or bad, happy or sad, ecstatic or embarrassing. But, think about this for a moment, the people who embrace these thoughts, and allow them to be rethought throughout their life, live a very common pattern of behavior. Be this pattern based upon goodness or badness, positivity or negativity; what they seek, whether knowingly or not, is what they seek. They continue to encounter the same type of life-situations, time after time, defined only by the difference of the person or the persons they are living that moment with.

For example, have you ever had someone get mad at you for something you’ve done—something you’ve done that you did not even realize you were doing anything wrong? You may possibly understand their anger once it was explained to you but their interpretation of that moment was not the way it played out in your mind. Or, have you ever had someone accuse you of some type of bad behavior but later you found out the person, doing the accusing, did the same thing to others or perhaps they did something even worse, based upon the same style of behavior they were accusing you of unleashing?

If you look to this person’s life, you will find that they do this type of
thing all the time. That is how they encounter relationships—that is how they interact with people—that is how they live their life. And, though they may deny this fact, that does not change the truth of the truth of what they are truly living. Meaning, what they accuse you of doing they have either personally instigated or they have lived those style of relationships many times in the past.

It’s important to note that not all of the people who follow a common pattern of behavior do so based in negativity. Some do this based upon love. Some go from one relationship to another, as short-lived as some of those relationships may be, but they do this to encounter a specific feeling that will trigger a sensation that will cause them to hold a memory in place—a moment that they will relive and relive and relive in their mind’s eye.

So, here’s the thing… Each of us has moments that we have lived in our life that comes to our mind more frequently than others. In fact, most moments of our life are simply forgotten. But, the ones that do come to mind, come to mind for a reason. If you do not know what that reason is then you can never truly understand the lessons that could/should have been learned in that moment. So, the next time one of these recurring memories comes to mind, take the time to truly analyze that memory; figure out what you were feeling and why. Contemplate what lead you to living that moment. Analyze what part you had in creating that moment. Mostly, take the time to truly study that moment to the degree where you come to the deeper understanding of that moment and how it came to shape your life. From this, that memory may be allowed to fade into the realms of all of the other memories of your life, where you lived them, you can remember them if you want to, but they do not reemerge into your mind taking control of your thoughts and your emotions.