The Scott Shaw Blog

Be Positive

The Things That Make You Cry

For each of, (or at least most of us), there is that place in you where something touches that center of deep pain and sorrow—that place where every time you go there, remembering that something or that someone, sadness comes over you and you want to cry. In each of our lives, (or at least most of our lives), there was that incident or that loss that whenever we think about it, sadness comes over you. I know I have mine.

Many people run from those feelings. I guess that is the natural reaction; to not want to feel/relive that moment when you truly hurt. I know a few people who outright say that don’t want to go back to that place. They prefer to live in a state of denial about what was and what took place. I get it. Life is easier that way. But, think about this, when those memories come to mind, does it really change them if you simply cast them away?

The thing about that deep sadness is, for the most part, is that there is very little any of us can do to change what caused the instigation of that feeling. People die. Pets die. People break our hearts. People do bad things that deeply hurts us. And, once those things occur—once they are done, they can’t be undone. So, then what?

You know, a lot of psychologists have answers for this. But, at least from my perspective, psychology is a lot of BS, and Mind Fuck, that is simply designed to give people a drug of oblivion. I mean, if it worked, people would not be in therapy for years upon years—some for an entire lifetime. (And, this is from someone who extensively studied psychology and did therapy for a number of years). Moreover, this whole system of thought is based upon the businessperson and the consumer. If a Shrink told their patients what they really thought about them, or what they are truly feeling: living, or doing, they would not have that patient very long. Thus, it is a game of delusion. A game of one person attempting to get a paycheck from someone whom they are promising a fix. But, what is the fix? Is the fix simply trying to forget the pain?

The thing about life is that we all live what we live. What we encounter is largely dominated by where we live, how we live, whom we choose to associate with, and the belief system we are indoctrinated into. Okay… But, how does any of that change the pain we may encounter? It does not. We are all going to have it find us at some point in our life.

I don’t think there is a fix for this. There is the drug of delusion—that drug we all take when we are feeling sad; when we try to cover that feeling up with doing something that makes us forget. But, this is a dangerous game as it can lead us down a dark road. So, is the drug of forgetting the answer? I don’t know? It may make you feel better for a moment but it does not change the reality of your reality.

So, what can you do when that memory of hurt or loss comes to your mind? Me, I try to embrace it, at least for a moment. I fondly remember the person or the pet that I lost or consciously ponder the situation that caused me that sadness. Then, all I can do is take the next step in life and hope that it will provide me with something better. Meaning, if you don’t do anything, if you don’t step forward, nothing new will present itself to you and you will not be able to replace those thoughts of sadness with new experiences and new memories of something else.

We all feel pain. Some people relish in causing pain in others and they don’t care about the damage they have created. We all know those are bad people. But, they are out there.

We have all lost or will lose those we have cared about to the unfortunate promise of death. We can fantasize that they have gone to a better place. But, isn’t that just another drug of illusion? They are gone. We no longer have them with us. That is the reality of the reality.

So, hopefully as you pass through your life, your pain and your sadness will be limited. Hopefully you will not encounter too much of it. But, when the memories of those memories come to mind, remember why you feel the way you feel. Remember why you felt the way you do or did about that person. Then, the only promise of anything, if you hope to not become dominated by that memory of pain and sadness, is that you consciously must move on.

…This is not an answer. …This is not a cure. This is just the only way that I know of if you hope to encounter feelings of something better.