The Scott Shaw Blog

Be Positive

If You Do the Damage in Public You Should Do the Apology in Public

“If you do the damage in public you should do the apology in public.” That’s a quote from one of the Morning TV Show Broadcasters I heard this AM as they were discussing Chrissy Teigen and how she has recently come out with apologies to the people, as she puts it, “Trolled,” in times gone past.

A couple of people have come out recently showing the very hurtful comments she made to them over the years. One guy even explains it caused him to become suicidal, as her words were so harsh and she said some really horrible things in an attempt to truly damage his career.

For me, probably like a lot of people, I am very surprised that Teigen would have done things like that—attempting to hurt people, as she been very successful for seemingly her whole life.

Now, I don’t know what she tweets. Though I have a Twitter account, I don’t go on it. Just not my thing. I’m more into the visualness of platforms like Instagram. And, I don’t really know that much about her life, though my lady and I did sit close to her and her husband John Legend on an ANA flight to Japan a couple of years ago. I only took note of their presence, as I was surprised that they didn’t fly Private. Anyway… None of this is the point. People hurting people is the point.

You know, from my own perspective, I have had people attempt to hurt me via online platforms. They have attempted to damage my life, my career, and my reputation by doing things like claiming to do research on me, when it was anything but, taking my words and/or writings out of context, to make me look bad, and basically presenting me as a complete asshole and/or someone who should be reviled. Of course, not one of those people who has ever done anything like that knows me or has even met me. But, Teigen probably didn’t meet or personally known the people she attacked either. She just went after them for some, self-projected, internal dislike she may have; motivated by who knows what? The thing is, she’s famous, so what she did has been brought to the public eye. Think about all the people, like myself and others, who have been attacked and Cyber Slandered online by some random person out there in cyber space and their attacks stand to this day, based on nothing more than their own projected opinions about another person’s life. Is that right?

Ever since we entered this period of #metoo, #woke, and #cancel I have had a lot of problems with the attacks some people have received. In many cases, these attacks have simply been a method of someone who doesn’t like someone else, or has some sort of grudge against them, to get their revenge. Like I’ve said before, who among us has not done something wrong? But, wrong is most often only defined by what one person says about another. And, this brings us to the whole source of the situation with Teigen and others; you can say anything—it can be as hurtful as you want it to be, and due to the fact that someone is saying it, other people will believe it. Thus, large and expanding damage is created.

Think about the bad things, the hurtful things, the judgmental things you’ve said about other people. What was your motivation? Truly ponder this question and come to a clear answer in your own mind. Did you hurt the person you hoped to hurt? Did you cause other people to feel the way you feel? If you did, what was the ultimate result to that person’s life? Where you happy that you hurt them? Were you happy that other people believed your point of view? If you were happy, what does that say about you as a human being? Do you ever take any of that into consideration? Or, do you simply relish in your power of persuasion? Again, if you do, what does that say about you?

Now, I’m certain that the people who read this blog are not the kind of people who do that kind of thing. I believe/I hope we are all better than that. But, that does not change the fact that people do say hurtful and judgmental things. Look around the internet, you see it all the time. But, who countermands this—who takes exception with these people? Where is the #cancel on them?

I think back to this one time many years ago… Somebody had posted a bunch of opinionated hurtful rhetoric against me on a martial art bulletin board. Though most chimed in with support, one person said, “Remember what you grandmother told you, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.” Those simple words changed the entire narrative. But, how many people go out of their way to countermand negativity? How many people have the courage to step up to the plate and to tell people to stop hurting others? Sadly, very few. Moreover, how many people like Teigen are willing to try to undo what they have done; apologize, and try to set things right with the people they have hurt? Again, very few.

The fact is, most people aren’t strong, brave, or honorable enough to take back any negativity they have unleashed. But, the fact is, that shows the kind of person that they truly are. Not strong. Not brave. Not honorable.

So… Where does this leave us? You can follow a path of hurtful negativity or you can follow a path of positivity. It’s really as simple as that. If you hurt, you should apologize and work to undo the damage that you have done. Remember your opinion of a person or of anything for that matter is only just that; an opinion. What you think of them does not make your belief system the law. Do you have the right to hurt anyone with your words? If you think that you do you should really take a long hard look in the mirror. And, if you don’t fix any hurt you’ve created in the life of another person than that will become the only definition of your life that truly matters. A better world begins or ends with you.

“If you do the damage in public you should do the apology in public.”