The Scott Shaw Blog

Be Positive

Anger Verses Hurt

Think about the last time that you became angry with someone. What was the causality factor?

…Sure, there are the people who cut you off when you are driving. For a moment your anger levels rise and maybe you voice, “What an Asshole,” or something like that. But, that is all very momentary. In a few moments it will be forgotten. Think more about the time when someone caused you to boil inside, cry, maybe raise your voice, maybe even yell or scream or punch a wall. What brought out that emotion in you?

For each person, the causation factors for anger are different. People view life differently. What is important to one person is not important to another. Different people interpret different emotions in different manners. But, no matter how the feeling of anger is interpreted and expressed by yourself, we each, at some point in our life, feel that emotion. Think about the last time you felt it. Or, maybe better still, think about the last time you became very-very angry with someone. Why did you become angry? Why did you become angry with them?

Most people, when they feel the sensation of anger, simply become angry. They do not necessary even understand why. Many people, when they become angry, never really know why they are angry. For the vast majority it is simply the very childlike or childish fact that they are not getting what they wanted, from a person or a situation, so they are simply throwing a tantrum. But, true anger goes much deeper than this. True anger is based in a very deep seeded emotion. To actually understand why you are experiencing this emotion you really need to go to its source.

So again, go to the last time you were angry with someone. Truly analyze why you were angry with them. What did they do? Why part did
you actually play in the outcome that occurred? What part did you have in what occurred that actually made you angry? Did someone do something that truly hurt you or your life? Were you simply not getting what you wanted from a particular person or specific situation? Or, did what someone did hurt you or your life in some abstract fashion? Truly analyze it.

You see, this is the thing; anger can be interpreted and presented in many behaviors. Many times, a person is actually simply, “Hurt,” by what someone has done but that emotion is presented as anger. This is why whenever you feel anger you really need to trace that emotion to its source if you ever truly hope to understand why you are feeling what you are felling and why it is causing you to react in the manner you are reacting.

Internal hurt may cause you to behave in an angry manner. But, the truth about, “Hurt,” is that it is a very different emotion than anger.

Anger is caused by something much more physical. Hurt is rooted deep within the individual psyche and is brought about when some person does something that either does not provide something, takes something away, or does not meet the needs of that self-proclaimed internal life definition.

Like I frequently say, people are a selfish breed. Most people are only out for themselves. If they hurt someone in the process of them getting what they want, “Oh well,” they don’t care.

It is because of this truth that becoming angry with a person is rarely going to cause them to change their pattern of behavior. Sure, maybe you can scream at them, maybe you can kick their ass, but that is not going to change the core individual they are and why they do what they do. The truth is, anytime you are angry, even though you may present your truth and your feelings to that person, in many cases they are not going to care. They got what they wanted. Maybe it even made them feel empowered. They did what they did because they wanted to do it, and if someone else got hurt, they don’t care.

We can all hope that the people we interact with are going to possess a higher level of consciousness and never attempt to intentionally hurt anyone. We can all hope that if someone does something that hurts us, they will feel sorry for their actions, apologize, and try to repair any damage they created. But, due to human nature that is not always going to be the case. The answer? There really is none. The best you can hope to do is to come to terms with what angers you, what hurts you, and stay away from the people and the situations where those emotions may be triggered. If you can’t do that, be prepared for a bumpy ride.