The Scott Shaw Blog Be Positive

The Projection of What You Expect

Undoubtedly, the primary condition that causes the demise of most relationships is the projection of expectations. A person wants someone to be some way, to behave in some manner, to do things in a certain way, but that person will not or cannot. Thus, end of the relationship.

People commonly project their expectations onto all things outside of themselves. They constantly think and talk about what they think someone else will do. But, how can they know? Each person is a highly unique entity and what he or she thinks, equaling what he or she does, may change at any moment. Just because someone thought or did something yesterday does not mean that they are still willing or will do it today. Yet, think about most people’s lives, think about how much your own life is based upon what you expect other people to do in both a positive or negative manner.

Most people never take the time to chart their own thought process. They think what they think, causing them to do what they do, but they never find the source of that pattern of thought leading to that implementation of expectations. How about you? Do you know why you think what you are thinking, leading to what you are expecting from someone else and why? Or, as is the case with most, do you just think, do you define others; do you create your expectations for others based upon some undefined something that you know not what?

Why do you expect someone to behave in a certain pattern? The answer to that question is twofold: first of all you are basing your predetermination upon what you believe they have done in the past. But, how do you know anything about anybody? Sure, you may have heard, you may have read, you may have even witnessed, but again, what a person did yesterday does not necessarily define what they will do today. Some people actually evolve. The second causation for expectation is desire; what you want from a person and how you want to receive it. Think about any relationship you have been in: be it personal, professional, causal, or intimate. What was that relationship based upon? It was based upon your expectations being met. But, who are you to expect anything? Who is anyone? By expecting something from someone, by expecting them to behave and do things in a certain manner, aren’t you robbing that person’s ability to be a true example of what is truly inside of them?

The moment you have expectation you are projecting your own reality onto someone else. The moment you voice your expectations you are removing the element of free choice from that someone else.

How many times has someone been cast to being something they are not via someone else’s expectations? How many times have other people believed a falsehood about a person due to someone voicing their expectations about a person?

If you think, voice, or actualize your expectations about another person, you are robbing that other person of being and becoming who they truly are. Stop it! Let each person be who and what they truly are. Stop expressing what you expect someone else to say or do. Stop forcing them into becoming what you want them to be. Stop it, and then each person of the entire world is allowed to be the perfect example of themselves.