Guns of El Chupacabra Poster
Guns of El Chupacabra: The Screenplay

Here is a very interesting piece of Guns of El Chupacabra, Zen Filmmaking, Donald G. Jackson, Joe Estevez, and Scott Shaw history.

By Scott Shaw

By the time we brought Joe Estevez into the cast of Guns of El Chupacabra we had already finished principal photography. I had done a basic edit on the film and we brought Joe in to tie the story together through narration via his character Rocket Ranger Dan Danger. As we had very specific story points we wanted his character to emphasize, I wrote the following screenplay in order to cover all of these ideas. I then sent it to Joe.

On the day of shooting Joe’s character, Donald G. Jackson and I went and picked Joe up at his Hollywood apartment. We then traveled to Bronson Cave where we were going to shoot his scenes. We arrived, got set up, and got Joe into his costume. The problem… Joe did not bring his script. In fact, believing that we were simply going to do his scenes in true Zen Filmmaking fashion, he had not even read it. Me, believing that Joe would bring the script, I did not print out another copy. My mistake…

For those of you have seen Guns of El Chupacabra you will realize that what Joe’s character says in the film is in many cases very different from what you will read in this screenplay. This is due to the fact that, on the spot, I had to attempt to remember the various story-points we needed to emphasize and then feed the lines to Joe. Thus, some points were forgotten.

So, the essence of Zen Filmmaking won out. Guns of El Chupacabra was completely shot with absolutely no script. Though, I do believe, the narration segment of the film would have been better and more complete had we been able to cover all of these story points.

Enjoy...

 Zen Filmmaking!




Guns of El Chupacabra
 
Joe Estevez
Narration
 
Story By
Scott Shaw
and
Donald G. Jackson
 
Screamplay by
Scott Shaw
 
Copyright © 1997
All Right Reserved
 
WGA.w Registered


Fade In:


EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANETRocket Ranger Dan Danger is the only living soul in sight. He turns to camera.

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Howdy, Samurai Buckaroos! I'm Rocket Ranger Dan Danger, and this is a story…

BEAT

Well hold it right there. I don't want to call this a story. It's more of a Saga... An Adventure... The greatest story ever told. Wait! That one has already been told. So, let’s just call this a Journey of the Mind…


(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger places his hand upon his face as he fades to his thoughts -- reflecting about the profoundness of what he has just said. Then catches himself).


Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

I going to be your guide through this journey. Your guru, if you will. Well, let’s not go that far...

BEAT

But, to understand what’s going on, everybody needs a little help -- don’t they?

(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger gives a big -- all knowing smile and then continues.)

Now, GUNS OF EL CHUPACABRA takes place in the Old West. The Old Electric West of the future, that is…

BEAT

But, wait a minute! First, it starts out there, where all things start -- way out there in the Great Cosmic Mystical Realm. QUEEN B is having a bad day -- well, actually a bad night. I mean, what’s really going on is that she is being psychically attacked and her visions reveal that the dreaded Monsters, known only to secret societies as El Chupacabra, are loose once again and feeding upon the flesh of the universe.


(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger cringes at the thought…)


Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

With no other hope left for the universe, KING ALL MEDIA sends for JACK B. QUICK, Space Sheriff to investigate.

BEAT

Jack… Jack B. Quick… Jack B. Quick, Space Sheriff… Now, there’s a character…


(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger fades to thoughts again).EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOMETIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Now as it happens, Jack's favorite side kick DEPUTY RAINES, who's flown a few intergalactic missions himself, is stationed at his silver bullet guard shack at the Cosmic Rocks on this little planet to the far side of the great beyond and is searching for his lost pet ROBO-PIG. And, wouldn't you know that's the first place the evil Chupacabras would strike!

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOMETIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Now, bad news spreads fast in this part of the galaxy and every tuned-in and turned-on Bounty Hunter worth his own sod, within a million miles of the Cosmic Rocks, wants to catch up with the Chupacabra and get that big reward.

(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger become intense).

I mean anyone who is anybody and anybody who is anything is after the Chupacabra.


(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger reflects for a moment).
Did I tell you somebody put up a reward? Well actually not so much a reward as a bounty… A payment… A promise…


(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger catches himself rambling).


Anyway, never mind… Bounty Hunters were after it…


(BEAT as Rocket Ranger Dan Danger thinks for a moment).

Really, they could care less about the Chupacabra but they cared about the reward… The Bounty… I don’t want to go into that again... But, the didn’t really care for caring sake.


(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger becomes reflective).

I mean, how many people do? They only cared about caring for payment sake...

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

THE SANTIAGO KID saddled up his motor mule and was off in a flash to help a pretty senorita who was already in trouble when an invisible Chupacabra wrecked her pretty white 4-wheeled stallion.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

There were spies and agents everywhere, bounty hunters, and even a holy bounty hunter -- known as the Savage Priest.

BEAT

I would tell you why he became savage but I don’t think you really want to know…

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

The only legal defense in this Electric West of space was Kickboxing and Wrestling. A few of the player choose to take the hunt to a new level.

BEAT

The main source of illegal weapons in this Cosmic Wasteland was a GUN RUNNER named COPORAL MAUSER.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

THE THREE GOWER GULCH STOOGES check out the weapons action like kids in a candy store -- not knowing one caliber from another, old CORPORAL MAUSER comes out way on top of this little transaction.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

DEPUTY RAINES has been mystically transported on the astral plane to the High and Dry Lake Bed where he meets PHELAN his spirit guide to greet the arrival through the heavens of the MIGHTY PLYTECH piloted by our old friend JACK B. QUICK, Space Sheriff.

BEAT

They get on board to guide Jack through the Saint Santa Susana pass.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Bounty Hunters continue to arrive each one hoping to capture the Chupacabras who are wanted dead or alive.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

BIG DADDY CHUPACABRA is hungry for a new bride, and his minions are hard at work rounding him up some tasty snacks.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Wouldn't you know, THE WONG RANGER, and his intergalactic 'rassler side-kick THE SONIC DEMON would capture Jack B. Quick's very own sister while she was vacationing at the Neptune Nudist Colony, and use her as a hostage to try and trap the Space Sheriff.

BEAT

Bad move boys...

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Meanwhile, Gun Runner CORPORAL MAUSER is at it again. Selling illegal guns to our old friend Jack.

BEAT

(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger smiles).
But, what does law mean to a guy like Jack, anyway...


EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

THE GOWER GULCH STOOGES make their way through the Jungle and are observed by the DELIVERANCE KID who lies in wait.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

THE SANTIAGO KID and Señorita MARIA MARIA arrive at the ranch where Danger is everywhere.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Only the pure of heart, like JACK B. QUICK can tell where to fire at the Invisible Chupacabras.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Don't look for a new gang of good guy vigilantes. Jack works alone.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

And, to complicate matters, there's a news crew trying to keep the public informed of all the mysterious happenings.

BEAT

That documentary photographer guy -- he was the one who photographed the Frog Wars…

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

A campfire at the Cosmic Rocks with the Gower Gulch Stooges turns into a cannibal feast for double agent spy Farmer Rocket.
(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger becomes very serious).
You know, he’s a meat-eating space creature member of the Texon Five.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Well, here’s a little treat for you... A blonde secret, double (intensified pronunciation) agent, 36 double D, meets JACK B. QUICK at the Union Station to guide him across the Sky Bridge.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Misguide and not pure of heart, she heads him straight into the hands of the Chupacabra Ninjas from 'da hood.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

At the Mystical Castle, KING ALL MEDIA and QUEEN B conduct a love ritual to maintain cosmic focus.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Meanwhile, back at the ranch. (I've always wanted to say that!) Z-MAN, LORD INVADER meets with his gang of Minions:
The TEXON FIVE
HOP-ALONG ALIEN
FARMER ROCKET
DOG BOY
MAVERICK
DOUBLE AGENT RINALDI

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Back on the roof Jack finishes off those Chupacabra Ninjas from ‘da hood. But, lost in the throngs of battle he is too late and one of the Invisible Chupacabras attacks Jack's secret, double (intensified pronunciation) agent.

BEAT

Now there’s going to be hell to pay!


EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

FARMER ROCKET meets the long, lean, Grade A hung of a beef boy, DESPERADO MARIACHI BOUNTY HUNTER…

BEAT

And, oh yeah. He eats him too!

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

THE HEAVENER STRANGER, out of work, in need of material sustenance, joins Jack to track the invisible Chupacabras.

BEAT
(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger a bit amused with himself).


Jack, Track -- that rhymes, doesn’t it?

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger speaking as if he was a radio reporter from the 1940’s.

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

The News team continues to interview the Cosmic Rock residents. But, Jack B. Quick is in no mood to be friendly to dinosaur technology news reporters.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Yeah baby… Shoot those Chupacabras!!! Blast ‘em!

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

It appears that Z MAN, LORD INVADER is unhappy with his hungry soldier, FARMER ROCKET.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER


Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

(In a questioning mode).

Another reporter on the scene to investigate the Chupacabras? Hummm…

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Why did Jack B. Quick take Señorita Maria Maria inside the Cosmic Cave? Was it for official business?

(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger smiles an all knowing smile).
Gee, I wonder?

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER


Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

The reporter better watch out! While she is conducing another meaningless interview with Squatter Fling Blade -- the Invisible Chupacabras are getting ready to strike.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Interesting set of occurrences… The reporter who has been stalking Jack gets stung by the Hop-along Alien. The Hop-along Alien gets whacked by Jack.

BEAT

(Amused)
Whacked by Jack -- I just kill myself…

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER


Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Back on the Sky High Desert the Exorcist Priest and Mystic Sister get interviewed by the news crew.

BEAT
(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger thinks for a moment).

You ever wonder why people get interviewed by news crews. I mean most of these people know so much of nothing. It all seems to me like a time filler…

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Here we go -- now things are getting interesting… THE SANTIAGO KID rescues Jack's sister. But wait, Jack shows up, in the nick, or should I say Quick, of time to take her off his hands. So, much for his chances for having a 'rasslin groupie, if you know what I mean…
EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Well, isn’t this sweet. Jack let's his sister kick some ass for sweet revenge.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Oh, if I haven’t already mentioned it -- clothing is optional when hunting Chupacabras.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

DELIVERANCE MOUNTAIN MAN finds Reporter Linda Marshall in the woods under the evil spell of the Chupacabras. He takes her back to his tent to put her back to sleep with his story.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

New Electric Los Angeles SPACE UNION STATION - The Agents chase the final remaining, renegade Ninja Chupacabras who are out and about, and way out of control.

BEAT

(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger very serious).

Wow, far out...EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Meanwhile, JACK has sent his Sister back to the Neptune Nudist Camp while he deals with THE WONG RYDER and THE SONIC DEMON.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

All the while, BIG DADDY CHUPACABRA and his GRAY MINION shake up the basket with the two terrified Lobster Girls from the world known only as X.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Hey, JACK B QUICK to the rescue again.

BEAT

Off in the Mighty Plytech for the lobster girls to join his Sister at the Neptune Nudist Colony.

BEAT

Hummm, I wonder what they’re going to do to keep busy during those long galactic miles of the ride from her to (intensified) THERE.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Well, what do we have here -- another reporter with the hots for the Latin Love, The Santiago Kid.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Training for the INTERGALACTIC PRAIRIE BOXING TOURNAMENT.

BEAT

The Santiago Kid and PALOOKA PUNK slug it out.

BEAT

Ouch! That looks like it hurt.

BEAT

Hey look, Big Daddy Chupacabra, and his Gray minion like to watch boxing too.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

I tell you, this adventure never gets boring, around every turn there is another turn...

(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger pauses amused with his own profoundness).

LINDA MARSHALL wakes up from her dream of the Deliverance Mountain Man and into another nightmare. Captured by Z-MAN, LORD INVADER who gives them a short head start before letting loose THE TEXON FIVE.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Here we are at the COSMIC CAVE again -- a favorite hangout for Robot Monsters and Chupacabras.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

THE HEAVENER STRANGER is confused. He keeps repeating it's only a movie.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

A political protest at the Cosmic Court Grounds with Linda Marshall reporting.

BEAT

I think he’ll probably get off of the criminal charges but they’ll probably nail him in the civil court...

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

JACK B. QUICK is under a spell from the space angel.

BEAT

Yeah, the things I could do with her... Oh...

(Rocket Ranger Dan Danger Catches himself).


EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Looks like the secret agents are on a mission to kidnap the reporter!

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Wow, check this out. THE CHUPACABRA DANCERS strut their stuff as the Reporter is abducted.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Meanwhile on the set, the unhappy actor playing JACK B. QUICK, is feeling the tension of the real and surreal ramifications of the movie ordeal.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

The force of man meets the forces of nature -- the Mighty Plytech collides with the Big Bad Papa Chupacabra. and Jack B. Quick goes to work.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

Back at the Mystical Castle, Jack B. Quick returns to his reward.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

And all the while, DEPUTY RAINES is deep in the cosmos dreaming of his charming admirers.

BEAT

You see, there is a heaven.

EXT: THE SURFACE OF A WASTED PLANET -- SOME TIME LATER

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

But wait a minute… What happened to LINDA MARSHALL? Oh, now I see, DOUBLE AGENT HEAVENER STRANGER has her held hostage as an audience for the Singing Cowboy!

FREEZE FRAME ON EACH CHARACTER with a where are they now commentary:

Rocket Ranger Dan Danger

JACK B. QUICK, SPACE SHERIFF Now on a new mission as a spiritual warrior. His new name: REVEREND DOCTOR SAINT FRANCE BLADE. Watch for his new adventures!

KING ALL MEDIA and QUEEN B -- making more franchises.

THE OTHERS -- Transmission data lost, but presumed on the loose and…

Static engulfs the screen.


FADE OUT.

THE ZEN