The Scott Shaw Blog Be Positive

Who’s to Blame for Your Failure?

I used to live in this apartment. Downstairs from me, this couple who were both MMA fighters, moved in. This was in the early days of professional MMA. Every now and then I would hear them arguing when one of them would lose a fight. One would yell at the other one that they didn’t train hard enough, or that they didn’t listen to their corner, or that they didn’t anticipate the other fighter’s moves. While one was yelling, the other one would always make one excuse or the other. But, at the end of the day, they had lost a bout. Who was to blame?
Whenever someone loses a confrontational anything: whether it is a fight, a court battle, an argument, a whatever, they always look outside of themselves for someone to blame. Rarely, will you ever hear anyone saying, “I just messed up.”
Think about your own life. Think about the battles that you have lost, be they large or small. What happened and why? Was it your fault? Or, do you blame someone else?  If you do blame someone else, was it only their fault, or did you have some participation in your loss?
People, by the very nature of most, do not want to take responsibility for their losses. Even if it is them who instigated the battle, if they lose, they want to shift the blame to some external something. How about you? Really think about this.
Why do people do this? Because then they do not have to acknowledge the impact of their responsibility in the loss or the fact that they did something wrong. Even many criminals, when they get convicted, they blame the victim, the jury, or their lawyer for not getting them off. But, if they hadn’t done the crime in the first place, they would never have gotten arrested.  
There are two levels to life. There is the level where you live your life in the most peaceful, wholesome, non-desire-filled manner possible and then there is the life of conflict. Of course, even for those who seek peace, confrontation may find its way into an individual’s life. But, by not seeking it, by consciously steering clear of it, one is far more protected than the person who goes out looking for a fight or spends their life defined by living in a world of competition.
Most people, in their life, will encounter loss at some point. This, whether they choose to enter into the competition or not. As long as you shift the blame from you onto whomever or whatever else, when and if this occurs, there is never a place where you will encounter and possibly learn how to be able to correct your failings.
Blaming is much easier than taking responsible for your own choices and actions that lead you to where you find yourself in life. But, by blaming, you never meet the true you. You never take responsibly for what you have created. Thus, you are lost to living a life defined by denial.  
You can blame someone else all you want. But, as long as you blame, you will never find the true you. Thus, you can never learn from your mistakes and not make them again.